I write to tell my story of vulnerability and perseverance, to believe it myself.
OAK
I am a mostly able white trans masculine author who self-published “You (don’t) Suck,” a hybrid memoir, in 2022. I openly write about my life growing up as a girl and coming out as trans-masculine when I was thirty-five, an act of resistance and freedom.
Storyteller, parent, artist, activist, trans advocate, and public speaker, I am known for my raw and honest writing processing trauma, motivated by my experiences as a survivor of incest, living with Chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and chronic illnesses. I am fighting for queer and trans rights every day. I live with my chosen family: my queer platonic partner and our respective children. While you can find me at my local coffee shop in the Hudson Valley drinking matcha and writing my new memoir, I wasn’t always in New York.
I grew up in France, graduated from art school, and started my career as a graphic designer. All that time, while being seen as a woman. I then moved to the US at thirty, and came out as trans five years later, reshaping my whole life and goals. As painful memories flood back after years of trauma-focused therapy, it felt crucial to write about the incest that happened in my childhood and my journey to healing as a trans person in the hope that it will have some impact on others.
I realized that as a child, I had to give up on my bodily and mental autonomy for protection, which disconnected me from myself to the point of not knowing who I truly was until I was thirty-five. Writing honestly about these topics is frightening and takes courage.
What does it mean to write while being scared?
I know this firsthand as I take a leap of faith every time I pick up my pen and notebook. I am afraid of the difficult memories I need to excavate, how my perpetrator will react when I publish the memoir, and if I am telling too much. When I write, I let myself go back to the version I was at the time, embracing fear, allowing the emotions to emerge, and at last, be heard and cared for, which are feelings I found in impactful memoirs.
“In the Dream House” by Carmen Maria Machado inspired me to let the book tell me which shape it wanted to be: short chapters with frequent jumps from the present to the past. My manuscript in progress, “Becoming OAK,” is the transformative story from my sexually abused childhood into liberation through my transmasculine transition. I started writing it three years ago and completed most of the work during my memoir program certificate at Stanford University, through rich and rewarding workshop sessions. In the intimate setting of a memoir, the readers follow my journey from shame to anger to healing through vignettes of fragmented memories, as they can be for people with trauma.
I write to tell my story of vulnerability and perseverance, to believe it myself. To regain my mind and bodily autonomy. I hope to support other survivors of incest and trans folks through healing. In my memoir, I aim to illuminate what it means to become our authentic selves. I owe this work to my previous self, who I was for thirty-five years until I came out as trans. She brought me here.
My memoir is timely and matters in the current climate against trans people in the US. The trans community has to be even more visible so that it won’t get erased by the wave of anti-trans laws and the government targeting this community. My story brings a human side to a debate that shouldn't be controversial.
